So much has changed in the last few years...it is time for me to get back to writing...I will commit to putting something up next week.
And so it shall be...
Friday, March 3, 2017
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Say it before it is too late
I believe that if someone has hurt you or shown you a great deal of love you need to make sure that person knows how you feel. The rule and mantra that I try to live by is that I will tell them before I leave this planet.
My relationship with my father growing up was non-existent--not my choice as I was a child. Upon reaching adulthood and dealing with my past feelings about this relationship I felt that in my heart that he needed to know how I was as a person and how his actions effected me. I decided before I left this planet that I was going to let him know who I was as a person, why I was this way, what he missed out on in my childhood and my issues with fathers that don't have relationships with their children. I never saw him as this bad evil man, my mother never said one bad word about him, she never tried to keep me from him but at the same time she never dropped me off at his door either, but that is another post for another day.
My father and I met by chance, and I was able to tell him everything that I felt in three meetings and I felt so much better, I am not sure if I can say the same for him. Some things you have to say before it is too late...But one has to remember and be prepared to know that what the other person does with the words and emotions that you have just shared with them is out of your control. Case in point, my father did not well up with tears and offer a great apology, his demeanor remained calm and rational; however I do know that I was heard, which was all that I wanted to be, is heard.
In addition to telling people when you are hurt you also have to tell them when they have shown you love and support.
I have an aunt that I had to tell how much she influenced me and how much I wanted to be like her...made sure it happened 2005.
I have been looking for my mentor from high school for what feels like forever and by chance I found her two weeks ago...amazing!
I had the opportunity to say how much of an impact she had on me...I was so glad that we had found each other...she is the older version of me...uncanny...really uncanny. I am sure that she never knew the impact that she had on my life at the time, but I was so glad to be able to find her and tell her...thank goodness that some people have uncommon last names...People with English degrees are my heroes and she-roes and who knew that she too was in that club, see the influence...
If you have a person that has made a difference in your life, big, small, positive or negative, if you know that there are feelings that you need to express and your life will not be put in harms way, let that person know. Closure takes many forms and for me letting people know how I feel and why before it's too late is the greatest closure for me.
My relationship with my father growing up was non-existent--not my choice as I was a child. Upon reaching adulthood and dealing with my past feelings about this relationship I felt that in my heart that he needed to know how I was as a person and how his actions effected me. I decided before I left this planet that I was going to let him know who I was as a person, why I was this way, what he missed out on in my childhood and my issues with fathers that don't have relationships with their children. I never saw him as this bad evil man, my mother never said one bad word about him, she never tried to keep me from him but at the same time she never dropped me off at his door either, but that is another post for another day.
My father and I met by chance, and I was able to tell him everything that I felt in three meetings and I felt so much better, I am not sure if I can say the same for him. Some things you have to say before it is too late...But one has to remember and be prepared to know that what the other person does with the words and emotions that you have just shared with them is out of your control. Case in point, my father did not well up with tears and offer a great apology, his demeanor remained calm and rational; however I do know that I was heard, which was all that I wanted to be, is heard.
In addition to telling people when you are hurt you also have to tell them when they have shown you love and support.
I have an aunt that I had to tell how much she influenced me and how much I wanted to be like her...made sure it happened 2005.
I have been looking for my mentor from high school for what feels like forever and by chance I found her two weeks ago...amazing!
I had the opportunity to say how much of an impact she had on me...I was so glad that we had found each other...she is the older version of me...uncanny...really uncanny. I am sure that she never knew the impact that she had on my life at the time, but I was so glad to be able to find her and tell her...thank goodness that some people have uncommon last names...People with English degrees are my heroes and she-roes and who knew that she too was in that club, see the influence...
If you have a person that has made a difference in your life, big, small, positive or negative, if you know that there are feelings that you need to express and your life will not be put in harms way, let that person know. Closure takes many forms and for me letting people know how I feel and why before it's too late is the greatest closure for me.
Monday, July 18, 2011
Doing it right
There are many steps that people take to become successful. Some people plan for years, months, weeks or a lifetime. While success looks different for everyone, I believe that for most people a common thread that defines success means reaching your goals.
Success for some women means finding your career calling, maybe the love of your life, children if you like them, becoming a pet parent to dogs because they're the best, being in great shape, having great handbags, shoes, lots of great fitting jeans, travelling, enjoying great food, making an impact on the world but most importantly knowing the difference between there/their/they're and to, too and two. So this is partly one of my definitions of success.
I have said it numerous times before, I am blessed to have wonderful friends that always inspire and support me in all areas of my life. This post is dedicated to one of those friends.
My good friend is more than her career. She is a person that has been in my life for a very long time, 24 years to be exact. I have had some very embarrassing moments in my life that I would love to truly erase from my life story and this friend has been a witness to some of my less stellar moments but has never made me feel bad on any level and for that I am truly thankful.
I have been in contact with this friend as she has traveled the globe. During her travels this friend seems to never forget about my mother, a woman that has never called her by the correct name, ever.
My old friend is entering a new stage in her life and I wish her nothing but the best in love and happiness. She deserves it because she is doing everything right. When I say she has done everything right in my opinion it means the following: She has established herself, meaning she knows who she is at all times and is not defined by other's ideas and wishes, she is confident in herself, she has traveled and is proud of where she came from and remains true to those she loves and cares about and she has let love find her and defines it on her own terms.
There are qualities that all of my friends have that I admire. I always think that if I were to have a daughter which trait would I pull from each friend for my daughter to have? From this friend I would like for my daughter to have her tenacity, ambition, fearlessness, determination and her hand eye coordination.
This friend will always inspire me ...because she did everything right...isn't that what friends are for, to inspire and uplift us? I hope that in return I too have been a great friend...
This posting is a belated birthday posting...from June...
Success for some women means finding your career calling, maybe the love of your life, children if you like them, becoming a pet parent to dogs because they're the best, being in great shape, having great handbags, shoes, lots of great fitting jeans, travelling, enjoying great food, making an impact on the world but most importantly knowing the difference between there/their/they're and to, too and two. So this is partly one of my definitions of success.
I have said it numerous times before, I am blessed to have wonderful friends that always inspire and support me in all areas of my life. This post is dedicated to one of those friends.
My good friend is more than her career. She is a person that has been in my life for a very long time, 24 years to be exact. I have had some very embarrassing moments in my life that I would love to truly erase from my life story and this friend has been a witness to some of my less stellar moments but has never made me feel bad on any level and for that I am truly thankful.
I have been in contact with this friend as she has traveled the globe. During her travels this friend seems to never forget about my mother, a woman that has never called her by the correct name, ever.
My old friend is entering a new stage in her life and I wish her nothing but the best in love and happiness. She deserves it because she is doing everything right. When I say she has done everything right in my opinion it means the following: She has established herself, meaning she knows who she is at all times and is not defined by other's ideas and wishes, she is confident in herself, she has traveled and is proud of where she came from and remains true to those she loves and cares about and she has let love find her and defines it on her own terms.
There are qualities that all of my friends have that I admire. I always think that if I were to have a daughter which trait would I pull from each friend for my daughter to have? From this friend I would like for my daughter to have her tenacity, ambition, fearlessness, determination and her hand eye coordination.
This friend will always inspire me ...because she did everything right...isn't that what friends are for, to inspire and uplift us? I hope that in return I too have been a great friend...
Sunday, May 29, 2011
What does power mean to you?
Power.
Simply put power is one of those words that takes on a different meaning for the person using it and various contexts.
What does power mean to you?
At this point in my life power comes in numerous forms. Various cliches come to mind: Power is something that comes from within, Power is what you hold in your heart, Power is what you make it--etc. Power is the ability to do what you want to do while being true to yourself. In this lifetime you only have yourself to answer to and a higher power if that's something that you believe in. Living your life with little or no regrets is powerful and no one can ever take that away from you.
We live in a very capitalistic society and with a capitalistic mentality, power is seen as everything that each individual should aspire to. Songs have been written about what power means. Take the following lyrics by The Lox for example:
It's the key to life.
Money, power, and respect.
Whatchu' need in life.
Money, power, and respect.
When you eatin' right.
Money, power, and respect.
Help you sleep at night.
You'll see the light.
It's the key to life.
Money, power, and respect.
Whatchu' need in life.
Money, power, and respect.
When you eatin' right.
Money, power, and respect.
Money, power, and respect.
Money, power, and respect.
These lyrics define capitalism. These lyrics represent the young American work ethic for some people regardless of class, ethnic background, financial background, etc.
In these lyrics money, power and respect are all tied together, but can they be separate? All of these words when standing alone or maybe put in a different order will have a different impact on people. Does one really need money, power and respect to be the best that they can be?
What does power mean to me? From the referenced lyrics power, respect and money have a different meaning. I believe that I have gotten wiser as I have aged and for me right now power is a cliche that I am trying to attain. I have no problem admitting this. No problem at all.
I want the power to use my voice, my humor and outlook on life to be an influence on all those around me as I believe that I have something to offer each individual that I meet and I feel the same way about others.
Power as defined by me today: the ability to love and be loved, the ability to communicate with others when angry, frustrated and happy, the earned respect of friends, family and new acquaintances and most importantly safety and stability. I don't believe that this is too much.
Power, what does it mean to you?
Simply put power is one of those words that takes on a different meaning for the person using it and various contexts.
What does power mean to you?
At this point in my life power comes in numerous forms. Various cliches come to mind: Power is something that comes from within, Power is what you hold in your heart, Power is what you make it--etc. Power is the ability to do what you want to do while being true to yourself. In this lifetime you only have yourself to answer to and a higher power if that's something that you believe in. Living your life with little or no regrets is powerful and no one can ever take that away from you.
We live in a very capitalistic society and with a capitalistic mentality, power is seen as everything that each individual should aspire to. Songs have been written about what power means. Take the following lyrics by The Lox for example:
It's the key to life.
Money, power, and respect.
Whatchu' need in life.
Money, power, and respect.
When you eatin' right.
Money, power, and respect.
Help you sleep at night.
You'll see the light.
It's the key to life.
Money, power, and respect.
Whatchu' need in life.
Money, power, and respect.
When you eatin' right.
Money, power, and respect.
Money, power, and respect.
Money, power, and respect.
These lyrics define capitalism. These lyrics represent the young American work ethic for some people regardless of class, ethnic background, financial background, etc.
In these lyrics money, power and respect are all tied together, but can they be separate? All of these words when standing alone or maybe put in a different order will have a different impact on people. Does one really need money, power and respect to be the best that they can be?
What does power mean to me? From the referenced lyrics power, respect and money have a different meaning. I believe that I have gotten wiser as I have aged and for me right now power is a cliche that I am trying to attain. I have no problem admitting this. No problem at all.
I want the power to use my voice, my humor and outlook on life to be an influence on all those around me as I believe that I have something to offer each individual that I meet and I feel the same way about others.
Power as defined by me today: the ability to love and be loved, the ability to communicate with others when angry, frustrated and happy, the earned respect of friends, family and new acquaintances and most importantly safety and stability. I don't believe that this is too much.
Power, what does it mean to you?
Monday, May 16, 2011
One of my favorite poems
This is one of my favorite poems by Alice Walker. Yes, that Alice Walker of "The Color Purple" fame. This piece speaks volumes to me on so many levels. Enjoy and please feel free to leave comments.
Womanist
Definition of Womanist
Womanist
1. From womanish. (Opp. of “girlish,” i.e., frivolous,
irresponsible, not serious.) A black feminist or feminist
of color. From the black folk expression of mothers to
female children, “You acting womanish,” i.e., like a woman.Usually referring to outrageous, audacious, courageous or willful
behavior. Wanting to know more and in greater depth than is considered “good” for one. 2. Also: A woman who loves other women, sexually and/or nonsexually. Appreciates and prefers women’s culture, women’s emotional flexibility (values tears as a natural counterbalance of laughter), and women’s strength. Sometimes loves individual men, sexually and/or nonsexually. Committed to survival and wholeness of entire people, male and female. Not a separatist, except periodically, for health. Traditionally universalist, as in:
“Mama, why are we brown, pink, and yellow, and our cousins are white, beige, and black?” Ans.: “Well, you know the colored race is just like a flower garden, with every color flower represented.” Traditionally capable, as in: “Mama, I’m walking to Canada and I’m taking you and a bunch of other slaves with me.” Reply: “It wouldn’t be the first time.”
3. Loves music. Loves dance. Loves the moon. Loves the Spirit. Loves love and food and roundness. Loves struggle. Loves the Folk. Loves herself. Regardless.
4. Womanist is to feminist as purple is to lavender.
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Milestones part one
The other day an old friend posed a question about reaching the age of 35. The question was a fill in the blank: By the time a woman reaches the age of 35 she should _________. There were multiple answers to this question and I have my own view, the following list is in no particular order and is not complete at this time--simply an overview of my thoughts at this time in my life...
I am a person that believes that you can follow your own life map and plan, don't let anyone else decide your path for you, HOWEVER, I do believe that there are some experiences that should be shared by each and everyone if at all possible. This list of milestones offers some of the few experiences that I think women of a certain age, not just 35 should share.
1. By the time a woman is 30 plus she should be comfortable with her own company. I must clarify this statement, comfortable with your own company, meaning you can be by yourself and not be overwhelmed with the feeling of being alone or labeled a failure by society. I am completely comfortable with my own company and this is partly because I was raised as an only child and I believe that I am pretty enjoyable to be around, such is life.
2. By the time a woman is 30 plus she should have traveled outside of her city, state and if at all possible her country. Travel is so important on various levels. I have traveled and I believe that my thinking, outlook on life, tastes and expectations have all been enhanced due to my traveling experiences.
3. By the time a woman is 30 plus she should truly understand what makes a person a good mate. Is finding a good mate easy, no...however, people should know that as you get older and want stability if the person that you are with does not want stability or your goals--they may not be the best choice for a mate. Yes, I know sometimes opposites attract, but not on all levels.
4. By the time a woman is 30 plus she should have a few solid friendships. There is no greater feeling than having a few people in your corner in times of good, bad, in between and who simply love you for who you are.
5. By the time a woman is 30 plus she should have a specialty food that she makes. Yes, I do believe that all people should know their way around a kitchen, not just women. I mention food because I believe that nothing builds community and connection like good food.
That's it for now...this is only the beginning of this list.
Comments...thoughts...reflections?
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Friends part one
People move in and out of our lives, what's the old saying: People are in your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. If a person is lucky they will have the pleasure of having a few good friends in their lifetime. I consider myself to be a truly lucky person. I feel that I have six truly wonderful friends. I am not being boastful, I am just very appreciative.
One of the greatest people that I know, a true gem of a person and someone that I am honored to call my friend had a birthday yesterday. Birthdays to me are special and should always be celebrated and this person is a true blessing to everyone that meets her. I have had many laughs working with this person and then the friendship began. I am rather snarky sometimes and she gets my humor. She is always very understanding and supportive, which has always humbled me and this I am thankful for.
I believe that when you truly care about someone you should let them know. My friend is an artist, she is deadly with a drawing pen and she expresses her feelings of our friendship with her pen...(I on the other hand cannot make any art to save my life, alas I will never be Banksy...) This year I am returning the compliment to her because of her always encouraging and kind words this posting is dedicated to her and our friendship that I believe will last a lifetime, not just for a short reason or season.
One of the greatest people that I know, a true gem of a person and someone that I am honored to call my friend had a birthday yesterday. Birthdays to me are special and should always be celebrated and this person is a true blessing to everyone that meets her. I have had many laughs working with this person and then the friendship began. I am rather snarky sometimes and she gets my humor. She is always very understanding and supportive, which has always humbled me and this I am thankful for.
I believe that when you truly care about someone you should let them know. My friend is an artist, she is deadly with a drawing pen and she expresses her feelings of our friendship with her pen...(I on the other hand cannot make any art to save my life, alas I will never be Banksy...) This year I am returning the compliment to her because of her always encouraging and kind words this posting is dedicated to her and our friendship that I believe will last a lifetime, not just for a short reason or season.
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